It's a strange thing about prednisone; there are moments of clarity. I don't know what it's like for other kinds of addicts, or mental/emotional disabilities, but I find I reach a space after a few days (or weeks) where I feel normal again. Even though I am constantly aware that while under the effects of the prednisone my emotions are out of control, and that I am, to put it simply, crazy, I can't remember what it was like to feel any other way than how I do under the effects of the drugs. But sometimes, maybe just for a few minutes, I am me again. I don't know what causes it, or what makes it go away, but there is a break in the confusion and emotinal maelstrom and feel... normal.
Tonight the moment finds me back in Emanuel hospital. Time is weird in hospitals, and it doesn't feel like 1am. I'm pretty sure I don't experience 1am like most people since I've been nocturnal most of my life, but time seems to pass differently in hospitals. I used to be much better at explaining things but I have fallen out of practice. All I can say now is that 1am is just a number on a clock, and the onlky reason I know it:s late is because there is far less activity in the halls of the hospital outside my door. With my door closed this room becomes a world unto itself separated from the flow of time. A cell of quiet isolation where all the maddening stimuli that has provoked and tormented me for the last few weeks does not reach.
It's nice. But I still want to go home.
- (no subject)